Love and Treatment of Others

“…love for a person does not at all mean blindness and thoughtlessness; it does not at all mean some sort of self-deception. The loving person sees the inadequacies, vices, and weaknesses of another, but above all this observation stands another, higher knowledge—namely: that a human being is something immeasurably greater than the sum total of his vices, sins, and inadequacies. Every human being is a child of God, who unconditionally deserves love. And all the darkness that attacks him and is present in him, and is as if part of him, is only a part that to a greater or lesser degree influences the whole, but which does not have the ability to swallow him up irreversibly as long as he is still alive on the earth. Furthermore, the very fact that he abides in earthly life says that for him the story of the creation of his “personal eternity” is not yet finished, and the Lord is giving him time and the chance to take conscious steps toward a transformation of life. And the meaning of these steps is determined not even by deeds obvious to us humans, but by the power of good will, the conscious striving for God. The Lord alone can evaluate the true meaning of the heart’s striving in the context of all the circumstances—both inward and outward—of a person’s life, in the context of the difficulties that he has to overcome in his striving for God.” (Priest Dimitry Shishkin)

“How would our day be different if we understood that the well-being of each person around us was the single necessary thing of our life? Perhaps the first thought would be: “exhausting.” That is, no doubt, true. Our relations with others are often quite distorted, driven by their neuroses and our own. We serve others because we want to be liked, or to receive the same thing in return, or to avoid unpleasantness. We rarely experience acts that are truly born of love. Our hearts are far too complicated.” (Father Stephen Freeman)

“Love is not an emotion, but a chain of actions, it is an effort, a direction of the will…They say you can’t tell you heart what to feel. In fact, the heart can be told what to feel…It is important to understand that our love for a person grows in direct proportion to the goodness that we put into him.” (Archpriest Pavel Gumerov)

“How I process emotions, values and relationships depends on what is inside me. It depends on who I am. I should not expect you to love me in the same way or for the same reasons that I love you. You are not me and I am not you. It is as simple as that. Our understanding, experience and practice of love cannot be identical, even if we were twins, but it can still be original regardless of whether it is different. Everyone processes emotions differently and it helps to know this so that we’re not hurt if and when someone reacts differently than us, or does not react to us in the way we would have. People can still truly love us even if they act or react in their own personal way.” (Bishop Emilianos)

“By love, everything is called from non-existence into existence. The love of God preserves everything, takes care of everything… Love is a universal force that unites everything. All of the separate parts of the boundless world are connected with each other by love: Nothing lives only for itself, but everything serves for others and is supported by others. It’s not the struggle of the strong against the weak, not the war for self-existence that preserves the existence and order of the world, but service to others.” (St. Makary Nevsky)

“In nearly every person’s biography—internal or external—there is something shameful, something terrible and torturous to remember, but which inevitably comes back to his memory and feelings from time to time, poisoning his entire existence. Even if there be a person who self-contentedly announces that there never has been anything like that in his life, then most likely the memory of any shameful deeds and desires are simply eclipsed in him by his self-assurance, which cannot endure to admit his spiritual bankruptcy. Even worse, it is often the most “correct” people who are the cruelest tyrants, only they stubbornly refuse to understand this, like a blind man who refuses to believe in the existence of light. But here is the question: Does the presence of dark moments in a person’s life mean that we can evaluate him through the prism of these facts, that we can view him as worthless? Perhaps in part; however man is made with many parts to both his internal and external biography. And the totality of his personal history is comprised of episodes that are shameful, but also radiant and exalted, if we look at the extremes. In between these are a great many events that are relatively good or evil, if we can put it that way, so that the absolute majority of them are forgotten outright, because they do not touch the depths of life. However forgotten they may be, these events weave the complex and inimitable individuality of every person.” (Priest Dimitry Shishkin)

“Most of what the world understands as “person” is either a description of the “ego” or of a legal concept. But Person (I will capitalize it for use in its classical form) is not at all the same thing as the ego. In the ego, we describe a set of feelings, choices, memory, desires, etc. that are unique. It is, in its most true form, turned in on itself. The ego is “me for myself.”… Person is an “organizing principle,” the center around which and by which our existence is defined. But its character is strikingly contrary to the ego.” (Father Stephen Freeman)

“Love is not merely sympathy or compassion—it is carrying another’s cross. The world seeks to divide the unity of humanity into an atomized, egoistic multitude, where each person is for himself and by himself. That makes it easier to control people and easier to manipulate them. We are witnessing the fruits of this ideology of hedonistic individualism: Families are falling apart, people live in virtual social networks without interacting face to face, and everyone thinks only about themselves and their own advantage. That is just what devil wants us to become. More and more often we hear voices claiming that salvation is a private matter, and in it, everyone is on their own.” (Metropolitan Luke Kovalenko) 

“The ‘merciful heart’ in a human person is therefore the image and likeness of God’s mercy, which embraces the whole of creation, people, animals, reptiles, and demons. In God, there is no hatred towards anyone, but all-embracing love which does not distinguish between righteous and sinner, between a friend of truth and an enemy of truth, between angel and demon.” (Metropolitan Hilarion Alfeyev)

“When a person makes a mistake and owns up for it, we sometimes think about retribution and punishment before we think about forgiveness. When we feel that a person has been too easily forgiven and hasn’t been thoroughly punished, we tend to become indignant with them. We fail to show mercy.” (Fr. Stavros N. Akrotirianakis)

“Love is the greatest gift of God that man can receive in this temporary world… Burdened with all kinds of problems that, in general, are worthless, we torment ourselves and others. But when you’re standing at the grave of a loved one, nothing that happened matters anymore. And when you’re lying in the ICU, not knowing if you’re going to survive, you longer have any problems with arguments about “mine or yours,” because it all becomes unnecessary. If we live before God, then what difference does it make what people said about you, what people thought about you, what you gained and what you lost?... The most important thing is not to lose eternity. And if we’re in God, we won’t lose it.” (Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok)

“How would our day be different if we understood that the well-being of each person around us was the single necessary thing of our life? Perhaps the first thought would be: “exhausting.” That is, no doubt, true. Our relations with others are often quite distorted, driven by their neuroses and our own. We serve others because we want to be liked, or to receive the same thing in return, or to avoid unpleasantness. We rarely experience acts that are truly born of love. Our hearts are far too complicated.” (Father Stephen Freeman)

“…it is not conflict that destroys relationships, but inability to manage conflict constructively. Ironically, when conflict avoidance leads any member of a relationship to stop listening, this is far more toxic to the long-term health of the relationship than the conflict itself.” (Robin Phillips)

“The usual code of conduct in social relationships depends on mutual self-interest, which, in the best of circumstances means ‘I love those who love me’, ‘I’ll scratch your back, you scratch mine’, and ‘I trust those who trust me’. From this attitude I expect personal benefit and this why I have an input. Christian love transcends this logic of mutual benefit in human relationships. It works on the basis of another ‘logic’, which is, for some people, the ‘absurd’ reasoning of simply giving and loving. If love is limited to ourselves and to our friends, then we’re in no way different from non-Christians, since ‘even sinners do this’. The command to love your enemies certainly isn’t self-explanatory. By nature we’re inclined towards self-defense and we systematically avoid having anything to do with opponents and enemies. Love for your enemies, to which we’re called by the Gospel message, is a dare, a real risk even for our life. So it’s not inspired by some naïve notion of life, but is the expression of a different attitude and can be achieved only within the context of the grace of God. This love ‘is not of this world’.” (Georgios Patronos) 

“My father, who lived alone, called on the phone and it was apparent that he had been sitting alone for some time and reflecting on his life. His voice sounded heavy and introspective. He finally spoke and asked forgiveness for everything that had happened over the past 30 years. Coming from a man who had rarely accepted responsibility for his actions it was quite significant…Truly I consider myself blessed and fortunate to have received such a phone call. We are not perfect, our lives are not perfect, and our relationships are not perfect. We try to love and be loved but we often fall short. However, there are times in our life when those imperfections, fractures, and hurts float to the surface and we feel them more keenly. When these times do occur it is time to act.” (Fr. Joshua Makoul)

"If I cannot see and love Christ in another human being, the result is the same as being cut off from the source of life within myself. Loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind implies loving our neighbor as ourselves (Matt. 22:37 ). We cannot separate these two things.” (Andrew Williams)

“I think of critical importance is to remember that we are not to love others in order to manipulate them. Love is simply to be the choice we make in how we treat anybody. We don’t love others to change how they treat us. We don’t love others to get what we want out of them, that is not love but manipulation. We don’t love others just as the means to get to heaven. Love is given freely regardless of the outcome. Christ never told us to love others to attain some other goal (peace or whatever). Love is to be our default way of interacting with others. But there are times when dealing with an abusive person that the best love we may be able to offer is avoiding them. We may not be able to alter the relationship or end the cycle of revenge, but we can avoid annoying or cursing them. God shows His love for all no matter what the outcome – thus He gives rain and sunshine to both His saints and to those sinners who care nothing about God.” (Fr. Ted Bobosh)

“Remember that the Lord is in every Christian. When your neighbor comes to you, always have great respect for him, because the Lord is in him, and often expresses His will through him. ‘It is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure‘ (Philippians 2:13). Therefore, do not grudge anything to your brother, but do unto him as unto the Lord; especially as you do not know in whom the Lord will come and visit you; be impartial to all, be kind to all, sincere and hospitable. Remember that sometimes God speaks even through unbelievers, or disposes their hearts towards us, as it happened in Egypt when the Lord gave Joseph favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison (Genesis 39:21-23).” (St. John of Kronstadt)

“…the greatest of reasons you were born: to learn how to love—to love God and to love others. They are the same thing, really. We cannot love God without loving His children. We didn’t come to this earth to make a name for ourselves just so time could erase it. We didn’t come here to compile material possessions just so they could be parceled off and quibbled over at our deaths. We came to learn how to love. The ultimate question God asked was “Did you learn to love? (Richard Paul Evans)

“If we look inside our hearts and find there even a trace of animosity towards others for the wrongs they have done to us, then we should realize that we are still far removed from the love of God. The love of God absolutely precludes us from hating any human being…Christ’s expectation for us is that we follow the law of love rather than that of selfishness.” (St. Maximus the Confessor, Fr. Andrew Stephen Damick)

“God’s justice is to allow each of us in the end to experience our behavior towards others. Judgment Day will be our receiving back what we have sown in this life time. Good reason to treat others with love, kindness, hope, and mercy…We are not to treat others as they treat us (retributive justice), as that is allowing them to control our behavior. We end up simply reacting towards others, while love shows us how to act towards others — treat them as we ourselves want to be treated by them. In other words, we are to be examples to them. Our behavior is not to be governed by them, but by love which is something we have to choose.” (Fr. Ted Bobosh)

“…how we treat those who have wronged or offended us reveals the true state of our souls. Our Lord’s healing mercy is transformative and participatory and, if we have embraced His forgiveness, then His gracious divine energies must permeate our lives. He said, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” To become radiant with mercy to the point we do not limit our love only to people who treat us well is necessary in order to “be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matt. 5: 44-48)” (Fr. Philip LeMasters)

“The phrases ‘Love your enemies’, ‘Do good to those who hate you’, ‘Bless those who curse you’, ‘Pray for those who mistreat you’, and ‘If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn the other to them also’ are of great interest. If someone wishes to take your coat, give them your shirt, as well. If someone comes to you as a beggar, don’t refuse to give them something. And if you do give, don’t use the gift against them later. This is a wonderful framework in which to live the Christian life. A continuous expression of love, without bounds or limitations. A new pattern of behavior and a new ethic for our life, which comes as the ripe fruit of the Christian faith. This attitude to living is shaped outside ethical strictures and social compromises. Nor is it a romantic view of life and social relationships. On the contrary, we have a transcendence of personal rights, a sacrifice of individual interests and a conscious disregard for the hostility and wickedness of others. We develop this attitude in full knowledge and awareness. We certainly aren’t naïve because we live in love.” (Georgios Patronos)

“The love of enemies is not a moral matter – rather, it describes a state of being. It is nothing less than a crucified life. As Christ forgives His enemies from the Cross, He reveals the full depth of His divinity. Just as the Father makes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, so Christ shines the light of His love on the whole of humanity (“who know not what they do”). There is no union with the crucified Christ that is not also a union in such love. The same observation can be made regarding Christ’s teachings on generosity and kindness. In His person and in His teachings, we see revealed the very heart of God.” (Father Stephen Freeman)

“In Christ we find sufficient reason to bear with the weaknesses of others (Romans 15:1), be patient (vs. 4), and labor at strengthening others in many different ways (vs. 4), sharing with them what we have in Christ (vss. 5-6). Our constant aim should be to glorify God and treat others with kindness, remembering how the Lord is kind and merciful to us (vs. 7).” (Dynamis 8/8/2021)

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